So, the Binghamton Mets have finally realized that being a minor league baseball team affords you the rare luxury to go by the most preposterous name one can think of. Instead of just going with their parent team’s name and adopting a seemingly irrelevant bug of some sort, they’re opening it up to the masses to select their new name.
Now the Binghamton Mets aren’t blind, they’ve seen the nonsensical names (i.e. Boaty McBoatface) that have surfaced when groups allow an open ballot for this type of thing. Jokes on you meager public the Binghamton folks were savvy enough to determine a list in which you can choose from and despite the fact no write ins are allowed, you will not be disappointed.
To the ballot!
Choice #1: Bullheads – A local inhabitant of the Susquehanna River, a Bullhead is a bullhead catfish. The bullhead displays a tough and resilient character such as the Binghamton community.
*Googles bullhead catfish* *sees image of it being eaten by a duck* Yeah, no guys not only is this too normal, but can’t be repping a lake creature that loses out to ducks in the food chain.
Choice #2: Gobblers – A symbol of the rich hunting culture of the area, the “Binghamton Gobblers” honors the outdoorsman lifestyle and turkeys who call Binghamton home.
Turkey logo potential is HIGH, also they are underrated as vicious sons of bitches. As a resident of Upstate New York I’ve had a handful of run ins with turkeys and they are a bird that is not to be trifled with.
Choice #3: Rocking Horses – The “Binghamton Rocking Horses” celebrates the Triple Cities’ rich history as the “Carousel Capital of the World.”
Often featured on blocks for children, pass.
Choice #4: Rumble Horses – A tribute to the Triple Cities’ carousel heritage, the “Binghamton Rumble Ponies” is a herd of fierce horses that no carousel center pole can contain.
Now we’re talking, kick that carousel business to the curb and get something with a bit of attitude in here.
Choice #5: Stud Muffins – While tipping a cap to the players on the field, the “Stud Muffins” celebrates the collection of carousel horses belonging to Binghamtonians.
When I took my 5-hour course to get my license a grown man wore a t-shirt with a photo of a muffin with the “STUD” written on it. My own personal views aside, this description makes zero sense, so nope.
Choice #6: Timber Jockeys – Combining the fun of Minor League Baseball with the rich carousel history of the Triple Cities, the “Binghamton Timber Jockeys” pays homage to everyone that rides the carousels.
Pays homage to small children and sad dads, no.
It comes down to Gobblers vs. Rumble Horses in my eyes. While I’ve discussed the fierceness of the turkey, the potential for opposing fans to refer to them as the knob gobblers is way too real. Rumble Horses it is, ride fiercely through the lowly ranks of the MiLB while Mets ownership ignores you for decades to come.
Ride on Rumble Horses, you majestic steeds.