Adele Doesn’t Belong on the Radio

Let me start by saying this: Adele is a good musician. A great musician. And this isn’t one of those things where I half-assedly compliment her music in one paragraph, just so I can tear her down in the next few without feeling like a hater for the rest of the day. I like her music. It’s fantastic. I once watched this performance three times in a row. It connects to every single part of my soul. It makes me feel like I’ve been in love with Adele through every girl I’ve ever loved. Adele is woman.

But who wants to hear Adele on the radio? Not me. It puts a huge damper on my day every time I hear it. Most of her radio tracks are melancholy, if not straight-up depressing. And the problem is that she’s such a charismatic, emotional singer. She’s the furthest thing from the shitty, overproduced pop music shoved down our throats by the radio. She’s probably the one artist whose music can’t be EDM dance-remixed. Oops! I was wrong. Note: this is the worst piece of garbage I have ever heard. (<<< it does kinda bump tho?!).

The problem is radio demographics. According to a Nielsen study, most of Adele’s fans are soccer moms. (PC translation: female, between 25 and 44 years of age, with children.) This is a big market for radio stations. The majority of people listening to FM radio are doing it in the car. Know who spends a lot of time in the car? Moms, driving their kids to and fro soccer practice, karate, oboe lessons, 6-second dance classes, speed-texting competitions, or whatever the hell kids are doing these days.

Most programming at radio stations is done by consultants, agencies, etc. using market research or whatever other bullshit they use to prove what songs they play (and when) will keep listeners tuned in the longest. It comes down to this: Moms like Adele. Moms listen to the radio. Adele plays on the radio because moms like it.

But is anyone actually asking these moms if they want to descend into a full-blown reminiscence about a lost love who may or may not be the father of their children with said children in the backseat? (Although they’re probably busy watching Blu-Rays on headrest-mounted plasma screen TVs). And then to hear that same song fifteen minutes later on the way back from the store? On the same station??? (Radio stations figure you’re only listening for 15 minutes at a time, so they constantly repeat programming).

It’s horse shit. I know. I love Adele, but can’t stand to hear her on the radio. It’s like getting a haircut. They’re enjoyable at the right time, but I will decide when I am ready for a haircut. I do not want a surprise haircut. And I certainly do not want a surprise haircut in the morning while I’m driving to work.

So get Adele off my damn radio to make room for more Bieber. At least in Bieber’s sad songs (‘Sorry’, ‘What Do You Mean’), it doesn’t actually sound like he gives a shit. He’s just dancing his way through some different lyrics so he can do more of what he really loves – trying to be a normal human. (Exhibit AExhibit B)

Thanks.