When a Starbucks barista says, “We need to talk”

*Disclaimer* I am not a basic bitch.

Starbucks intimidates me. From the unconventional drink names to the green straws and uniquely loyal fanbase, I’ve never walked into a Starbucks and thought, “No one is judging me right now for this.” 

I would say probably 358 out of the 365 days a year I drink coffee, there’s Dunkin’ Donuts or a generic brand in my hand before you’ll see a mermaid with my name scribbled (and incorrectly spelled) on the cup.

And this is, well was, all true until I hopped on the ‘gram recently and saw a killer pic of a beautiful summer beverage. Naturally, I lurked through the comments to find out it was a venti iced raspberry macchiato from Starbucks. Even though I felt the sudden need to have it right away, I contemplated for a while knowing I didn’t have the balls to order such a thing based on fear of mispronunciation, ordering the wrong drink, facing extreme barista judgment, etc. All the natural reactions a non-Starbucks drinker would have.

But I did it. And I couldn’t wait to see this fancy, pink drink and sip it while taking a picture/telling my friends/driving/being basic AF in every way imaginable. Meanwhile, the drink looked nothing like what’s pictured above (it was white, and I now know a macchiato is like 90 percent milk) but whatever, it tasted good so I was semi on board.

I’ve ordered a venti iced raspberry macchiato with no questions asked about 2-3 times since my initial emoji-heart-eyes reaction to the Instagram pic. Until today, when I cruised up to the drive thru, practiced what I was going to say and was greeted by the most confused barista.

“Umm, I think we need to talk,” she said.

I was dumbfounded. What do we need to talk about? I ordered a venti iced raspberry macchiato. That was the only talk we needed to have. She continued to ask me for a detailed description of the look/taste/price of the drink and just let me steer the way from there on out.

Safe to say I was completely unprepared for this encounter today and now I don’t know if I can go back knowing my worst fears have been confirmed. I feel like I need to call a hotline or something…