Power-Ranking Energy Drinks for Your Weekend Turn Up, Complete with Alcohol Pairings

I’m a man who likes my energy. When I- What? Skip the damn intro paragraph and get to the list? Ok, sorry.

The Almighty One: Red Bull

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Red Bull is synonymous with energy drink. When your summer road trip co-pilot says, “Hey, lemme stop and get a Red Bull,” you know that man wants to ride all night. Red Bull does not f*** around. It gives you wings. When you say you want a Red Bull, everyone knows it’s on. If you say you want an Amp, people are gonna be like, “What? Is this dude trying to plug a guitar in somewhere? Let’s Leave.”

What to mix it with:

You’re thinking, “Vodka, duh.” Nope. Jägermeister. Jäger-freaking-bombs, dude. Red Bull Vodka is for people who want bad breath and too much energy to make out with a stranger. JÄGERBOMBS will send you to the promised land. Aka – passed out in a bush.

The Pretty Boy: Monster

monster 1From their label:

It’s the ideal combo of the right ingredients in the right proportion to deliver the big bad buzz that only Monster can. Monster is the only energy drink.

As far as I know, they’re the only energy drink that will straight-up tell you their product is meant to give a buzz. Pretty badass. It’s like being caffeine-drunk. People on Monster don’t give a f***.  Can be found wherever people are working on cars, and not professionally.

What to mix it with:

Monster is Mountain Dew’s hardcore older brother. Mix that shit with some Crown Royal Canadian whiskey and you’re good to go. (Fun fact: Mountain Dew was originally made as a mixer for Whiskey. Mountain Dew is slang for Tennessee moonshine).

The Nitty Gritty: Rockstar

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Ok. Was this beverage literally just created for the Lil Wayne song? Wait, are the drink and the song even related? Maybe people were just drinking a ton of Rockstar during the four weeks that song was on the charts. It’s the #3 selling energy drink behind Red Bull and Monster. I see it in convenience stores everywhere. It comes in ridiculous flavors like Punched Guava, Recovery Tea Lemonade, Pure Zero Silver Ice (sounds all-natural), and freaking Horchata! (I’d love to try that actually)

What to mix it with:

Honestly, mix Rockstar with lean. It’s what Lil Wayne would want. (Don’t actually drink lean)

The One and Done: 5-hour Energy

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Does this shit work? I don’t know. The only time I drink 5-Hour Energy is in desperate, game-time situations. I often use 5-hour Energy when I’m about to go to sleep. Not like before bed, I mean when I’ve been tailgating from noon until 7pm and it’s fight-or-flight for powering through the night. I’ve never lived to tell the tale.

What to mix it with:

Uhh… Idk. Try making Jell-O shots with 5-hour Energy and Everclear and see what happens!  (Don’t do this)

The Pure Marketing: MIO Energy

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Oh god, just don’t. Please.

 

The Classic: Coffee

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Don’t forget about ol’ brown! It was good enough for your daddy. It’s good enough for you.

What to mix it with:

Bailey’s, Kahlúa, whiskey (in any combination or amount).

The X-Treme: Death Wish Coffee

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This new stuff from Upstate New York has about 650mg of caffeine compared to the normal 200mg. Be careful, son.

What to mix it with:

No need to! They’ve already created a vodka infused with Death Wish Coffee. Happy drinking!

Here’s our article on taurine – an ingredient in Red Bull and other energy drinks.