Last night Drake presented Rihanna with the top honor at this year’s VMAs, the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award and in the process gushed about the game’s number one bad girl.
He allowed the crowd to shower RiRi with applause before getting underway. He went on to provide a backstory of their meeting and how their relationship has progressed since while slipping in a few choice lines:
“She’s someone I’ve been in love with since I was 22 years old. She’s one of my best friends in the world, all of my adult life I’ve looked up to her even though she’s younger than me. She’s a living, breathing legend in our industry.”
He wrapped up his confession with an attempt at a kiss, which went… not well..
And while he got absolutely eviscerated online as people reveled in his defeat, guess who got the last laugh? That’s right our guy, Drizzy. E! Online has reported that the two are back dating again.
The friend zone is a very tricky thing, it takes a real strategic mastermind to get out successfully or… just someone with a computer. If you Google, “how to escape the friend zone,” you will quickly be meant by this wikiHow page (which features some positively OUTRAGEOUS artistic decisions).
Part 1: Weighing the Consequences
Step1: Deciding if it’s worth it
Well, RiRi is the baddest ever and based on his various attempts to win her heart, safe to say Drake quickly checked this box.
Step 2: Ask yourself what you want
Rihanna, he wants Rihanna forever, he wants her to have his whole heart and for him to have hers.
Step 3: Talk to your mutual friends
Mmm… well rappers aren’t usually the most supportive group of professionals when it comes to the pursuit of desirable females, so he probably skipped this one. Plus he’s Drake, not exactly a guy who needs validation for his actions.
Step 4: Make sure the timing is right
This is a step Drake apparently didn’t think through a ton, but I support his volume shooting style.
Part 2: Advancing the Relationship
Step 1: Spend more time with your friend
Despite the prolonged periods of unreciprocated affection, Drake didn’t lose hope. He did the whole BFF thing, which apparently to those in the rap game means dressing with the type of outfit coordination that a bad mom would dress her two toddlers.
Step 2: Start small and work your way up
When you’re a 20-something multi-millionaire “starting small” probably isn’t something you do very often. Cross this step off, it can go hangout with that stupid one about timing.
Step 3: Show that you’re desirable
I think somewhere between the GQ spreads, grammy wins, and slew of top selling albums Rihanna would’ve gotten the hint on this one.
Step 4: Be aloof
I think Drake interpreted this one as “date as many beautiful women as possible.”
Step 5: Break the touch barrier
*imagines Drake throwing his hands up and letting out a shriek of excitement as step 5 emerges on his screen*
Even though one of the hardest part must’ve been not getting discouraged by her teasing him relentlessly on stage for years, I think he didn’t get too raw of a deal here:
Step 6: Be upfront about your feelings
Well, we all know Drake has zero problem going full speed ahead with this step. From his honest words last night, to the lyrics of Take Care, and all the way through the infinite Google results for “drake confesses love for rihanna.”
And you know what’s a good bonus step to throw in if you have the means? Putting up an enormous ass billboard praising her accomplishments:
So, if that’s not conclusive evidence that Drizzy took wikiHow as serious as the Bible in his pursuit of Rihanna then I don’t know what is. Followed that oddly illustrated guide to a T.
And yeah, he had to get straight curved on TV in front of millions of viewers in the process, but he stuck it out and for the time being now *allegedly* has the girl of us his dreams.. at least for now.
So, how did Aubrey finally escape the friend zone that he had been dangled in and out of for the better part of a decade? He googled it. And also He took the advice of Michael Scott:
And he didn’t take just one shot, he took another and another and another.