L.A. Rams Coach Jeff Fisher Is The Perpetrator Of The Second Largest Heist In U.S. History

 

Early on March 18th, 1990 the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston was robbed of approximately $200m worth of art. The largest heist in United States history.

On December 4th, 2016 it was confirmed that the second largest heist in U.S. history would continue for theoretically another two years, right under all of our noses.

What happened on this date? The Los Angeles Rams confirmed that an agreement with Jeff Fisher had been reached over a two-year contract extension following up a 5-year $35m contract that saw Fisher go 31-43-1 (with 4 more games to go in 2016) and find himself only two losses away from becoming most losingest coach in NFL history.

In 22 years as a head coach, Fisher has amassed a record of 173-164-1 and yet finds himself as the 4th highest paid coach in the NFL behind only Sean Payton, Pete Carroll, and Bill Belichck.

And what do those coaches all have in common? At least 1 Super Bowl title. While Fisher’s last playoff win occurred 11 days before Ignition (remix) made its radio debut (January 11th, 2003 v. the Steelers).

So how did Jeff Fisher carry out his crimes against football?

  1. Took advantages of teams in transition
    Fisher has a history of attaching himself to teams that just happened to be moving cities, placing an importance on continuity and allowing him to maintain his position. He moved with Oilers from Houston to Tennessee and participated in a similar move with Rams as they went from St. Louis to Los Angeles.
  2. Was (relatively) good enough to stick around, but never good enough to raise expectations
    Jeff Fisher is an almost impressive embodiment of mediocrity. During his 22 seasons as a head coach he has had five 8-8 seasons, four 7-9 seasons and one 7-8-1 season. 10 seasons hovering around .500 to ensure his results are always just “fine” (it also helps when you find owners who are cool with 7 straight losing seasons).
  3. Hired an agent who is also the father of a franchise’s Operating Officer

As long as the world is spinning a few things will always be true: Death, Taxes, and Jeffrey Michael Fisher will be a head football coach in the NFL.

And remember when you have infinite job security you no longer need to have any clue where your challenge flag is:

 

Also never ever forget: