Alternative title: Buddy Hield Becomes First NBA Player Traded For Someone He Punched In The Dick
The constant “will they, won’t they” of the Sacramento Kings and a potential Boogie Cousins trade has been ongoing for years at this point.
During which time Boogie has played for 6 different head coaches, two owners, multiple incompetent general managers, said he wanted his number to be hanging in the rafters of the Golden 1 Center and was publicly called untouchable by the team’s front office about a zillion times.
Then Sunday night, in New Orleans, his new city, DeMarcus watched his soon-to-be teammate set a new All-Star game single-game scoring record while piecing together the most laughable shot chart in history:
And once the final whistle blew Cousins didn’t even have time to rinse off before receiving the news:
When the dust settled and I gave into the exhaustion from frantically refreshing my Twitter feed the details of the trade emerged and they left a little to be desired if you’re a Kings fan. And by a little I mean a lot, like a whole [expletive] lot.
- New Orleans Pelicans Get:
- DeMarcus Cousins
- Sacramento Kings Get:
- Buddy Hield
- Tyreke Evans
- Langston Galloway
- 2017 1st Round Pick
- 2017 2nd Round Pick
Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? This is one of the dumbest trades in NBA history and coincidentally Kings’ GM, Vlade Divac, has now been involved in two of them.
I guess even though Cousins is an All-Star and arguably the best center in the league his character issues may have turned teams off from acquiring him and this was the best deal they could’ve pulled off.
Oh, wait a goddamn second what is this?
Ok, but maybe there was at least a good reason for this trade.
Well, goddammit you guys. I can’t believe the dude he dabbled with the idea of playing 4 on 5 doesn’t have the soundest mind when it comes to judging basketball talent.
Especially considering they traded a top 10 pick in Nik “Sauce Castillo” Stauskas in an absolutely mind-boggling trade back in 2015 after he put up numbers comparable to Hield’s in his rookie year (while being 2 years younger):
And the Steph Curry/Klay Thompson comparisons really lose their weight when you make them all the time, especially when you also made them about the aforementioned Stauskas, whom you traded away for nothing.
At the end of the day the Kings are gonna King and Vivek is gonna Vivek and meanwhile the real winners of this whole debacle…
All I know (besides the fact the Kings are the dumbest franchise in professional sports) is that you can catch me in the Big Easy stumbling around Bourbon Street in a Boogie Cousins Pels jersey March 12-15th and that’s a promise.