Now that Opening Day has finally arrived and another season of America’s pastime is upon us, here are a few very important things come along with it:
It’s Officially Summer
“Well, actually the first day of summer begins at 12:24 AM on June 21st in the Northern Hemisphere.”
Oh, just shush up you nerds.
Does it matter that it has been cold for so long that today was the first day I can remember being above 50 degrees, not only this year, but in my life? No.
When baseball season arrives that means it is officially summertime and I won’t hear otherwise, let us not forget that everything is made up and that includes calendars, seasons, and things signified by the Earth’s position in relation to the Sun.
School And Work Are Now Optional
As soon as baseball starts, summer starts, so all of a sudden the ability to focus inside becomes nearly impossible. We’ve got nice weather (kind of, maybe) and day game baseball games to sneak off to, either at the ballpark or at a barstool.
The Greatest Background Noise Known To Man Is Back
There is absolutely nothing as comforting as that sound of bat on ball, that perfect cracking sound accompanied by the soothing voices of a couple old men in a booth narrating America’s game.
There is never a single situation between April and November that cannot be enhanced by having a ball game quietly airing in the background.
Seeds (Dip) Are (Is) Back!
Nothing like putting a handful of seeds (a fat yomp) in your mouth and clenching a water bottle or blessing Mother Nature with the fruits of your mouth labor.
But, seriously dip is bad and so is spreading your saliva covered mess all over our already dying planet, so keep your business contained to some sort of vessel that can easily be transported to a trash receptacle.
However, double seriously, God bless all our brothers and sisters (nothing like a girl with horseshoe workin’) who haven’t succumbed to the pressure to kick one of the nastier (best) summer habits. I envy you and will live vicariously through you this baseball season.
It’s Officially OK To Eat Hot Dogs Again
Oh, what a long, cold, hot dogless winter it has been. Fear not, it is finally acceptable to indulge in everyone’s favorite phallic meat. I don’t even want to imagine a day at the ballpark that doesn’t involve at minimum two overpriced dogs.
If you dare admit that you’ve had a hot dog, even one, since the World Series ended and baseball started back up on Sunday I will have to report you for treason. There’s nothing more American than baseball, but hot dogs are damn close, but with such a tremendous food item comes tremendous responsibility.
We all know that hot dog breath lasts at minimum 3 months, so you can’t rock that all winter long or people will start asking questions, that’s how you end up on a watch list.
What does opening day mean for you?