10 Burning Questions From Someone Who Watched ‘Stranger Things’ 9 Months Late

I find myself in a fresh situation where I’m spending a substantial amount of time with new human (shoutout to Tinder), who I have somewhat (drastically) different entertainment preferences from.

Chances are we’ve all been in these predicaments and concessions have to be made. You end up watching things wildly outside your norm, I made her go on a weekend long bender with me during the first rounds of March Madness and I watched a 125-minute cartoon (Spirited Awaywhich exceeded my expectations btw).

So, when the opportunity to watch Stranger Things came up, a show I genuinely had been meaning to watch, I jumped at the opportunity and cranked it out over the weekend and was left with some questions I need answers to and I needed them yesterday.

Why was there so much fuss about Barb when the show first came out?

Honestly, when Stranger Things first came out I thought it was about Barb. I felt like Charlie Brown when parents are talking to him, but instead of “wah waah wah wahhh waaaah” I just heard “Barb, Barb, Barb, Baaaarb, Barb.”

And then I finally settle in to watch and Barb gets like 7 minutes of total screen time, What gives? Someone as yammered on about as long as her should be more than just frumpy prude who doesn’t want to see Nancy reach her hot girl potential.

Why did no one on the actual show care about Barb even 1% as much as fans did?

Barb disappears one night and what’s the response? Steve fucking Harrington is worried about getting caught with beer, Nancy quivers for like a second, Barb’s own damn mom just asks Nancy to have Barb call her if she sees her and the police department can hardly be bothered.

Then, finally the show ventures into the “Upside Down” to retrieve Will and they just LEAVE Barb down there. Did they even look? Did Barb even cross their minds? The city rejoices in Will’s return, but no one gave one single damn care for Barb, a teen who is presumably trapped in another dimension.

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If I move to a small enough town can I develop two separate addictions and punch government officials while still being permitted to carry a firearm while having no consequences for my actions?

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Listen, from scene 1 I knew I was a ride or die for Chief Jim Hopper until the very end of time. But come on, let us not be naive here, the man is no way qualified to be the head of a police department.

He’s taking pills and alcohol in tandem, which is the number one no-no of prescription medication, he punches basically everyone in the face and he’s constantly trespassing.

And on top of that he’s somehow out of shape in the most bizarre proportions possible, but seems to be trained like a member of the Green Berets? There is certainly something amiss here…

Why are they shotgunning beers with a switch blade at Steve Harrington’s?

This was a preposterous move that some could say lead to Barb’s demise (and being completely forgotten about!!!!).

Steve Harrington just being a complete psychopath and using a potential murder weapon as a tool to cut open a beer can (which is hazardous enough in its own right) when he is shown driving a car numerous times and clearly owns a set of damn keys.

Why is everyone so casual about a portal to another dimension opening up?

Chief Hopper openly admits that this is the strangest thing to ever happen in town since:

And yet he’s pretty fucking calm about a gateway to another dimension and then venturing inside of said dimension with some random mom (I love you Winona, you ageless wonder).

Then proceeds to make a handshake deal that if the shady government entity allows him and this mom to go in he’ll forget about the whole thing. A PORTAL TO ANOTHER DIMENSION.

And for some reason that pervert faced Mr. Clarke is the only person who can provide any clarity about how this has happened? And in a room full of teens and at minimum two adults, they let the kid with no front teeth act as a middle man between them and their elected scientist????

But, seriously, what happened to Barb?

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On what planet would Nancy decide to stay together with Steve?

Who? What? When? Where? How? Why? Nancy is a doll and not to mention an absolute badass who someone immediately became the American Sniper, yet she stays with Steve Harrington, a total herb.

Fake ass cool guy who got molly whopped by peeping Tom Johnathon Wheeler still ends up with the girl? I don’t think so.

Neither of these poorly groomed gentleman should be allowed within 500 feet of Nancy.

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Why were early 80’s children in the Midwest using British slang?

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Why were early 80’s children in the Midwest comfortable handling switch blades?

This goes beyond Nancy & Co.’s outrage choice of a shotgunning tool and is aimed more explicitly at the kid who pissed his pants and HELD A KNIFE to a peer’s throat only just before forcing another peer to jump into a quarry from a height that would have surely killed him.

Why did Will get to ride the coattails of the kids actually in the show during Awards Season?

I don’t want to be mean, but my man, you were in the show almost as little as Barb was (14 minutes vs. 6:30).


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