The [Big] Bang Dilemma

Here’s the deal: I want bangs.

Bangs are something, I believe, that every girl has considered at some point in life. A dramatic haircut typically occurs in reaction to a traumatic event –be it a breakup, stressful work situation or an unstoppable rut in need of a major change. When you debut a new style, a whole mess of attention travels your way in the form of social media likes and comments after the debut of the new ‘do.

Am I speaking from personal experience? No (aside from the fact that your 20s are basically defined by weekly breakdowns). But honestly I’ve always loved this look, and my current hairstyle, or lack of, ain’t nothin’ to celebrate about. So why not just go for it?

Well, because the odds are completely and utterly stacked against me. Here’s why.

1. I have a “small forehead”

Hairdressers will tell you bangs only look good on people with large foreheads, which makes sense if you think large foreheads are undesirable.

But why would bangs look bad with a small forehead? The whole point is you can’t see your forehead, so how would anyone know how big or small it is? Gonna need a concrete answer on that one before I believe it.

best-celebrity-bangs-hairstyles-2017

2. I’m not Zooey Deschanel. Or Felicity Jones. Or Taylor Swift. Or Emma Stone. Or Nicole Richie. Or Kendall Jenner. Or Hannah Simone. Or J. Lo.

Celebs have it all, man. A highly dedicated hair and makeup crew and an endless supplyimgres.png of wigs pretty much explain it (shoutout to Mindy Kaling’s book, Why Not Mefor dishing out the honest scoop on the process). So yes, anyone on the A-list is going to look like the 100 emoji while sporting bangs.

We’re all guilty of stepping into the salon with a photo gallery of your celebrity girl crush and saying, “I want what she has.” But as we all know, a haircut isn’t going to make your face more symmetrical and turn you into an Oscar winner overnight.

3. Routine maintenance could become a problem

As a kid, I watched ‘What Not To Wear’ on TLC and remember thinking Stacy and Clinton were lifesavers –true miracle workers, even. But I always wondered what happened to so-and-so Jane Smith with no style once she left the close supervision of her fashion experts? Did she revert to her grass-stained overalls and oversized flannel? Did she adopt a reasonable grooming routine to maintain her new carefully curated hair and makeup look?

Truth is, it’s more than likely the former. It’s hard to commit to, or even know how to, uphold the salon style you walk out with on day one. At home, the lighting is different, you’re battling the essence of time, and you can’t afford the quality product or round brush you need to do it right. It’s not your job to do all of the stuff that makes a fresh cut and a blowout so damn fabulous. They’re the experts, but once you leave the salon it’s entirely up to you to recreate the look day in and day out.

4. Maybe bangs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be

This video sums it up. Bangs are a personal decision, and a bold one, so you selfishly hope the results are enjoyed by everybody and you can confirm you made the right choice. When you get bangs and your BFF is super salty about it and your whole world simultaneously comes crashing down, drama ensues. I really don’t know what else to say so just watch the video, you’ll understand.

I still haven’t reached a conclusion on what I should do. Does a Twitter poll need to go out to my loyal, anonymous followers? Do I need to add my photo into some simulator to see what a version of me would look like with some sassy fringe? Of course hair grows, and by now you’re well aware that I could give a F about what anyone thinks about my style (I used to wear skirts over my jeans in seventh grade and still rock overalls like it’s 1995).

At this point, the odds are in favor of the bangs, despite the inevitable negatives I’m up against. So keep an eye on the ol’ Instagram and see what the verdict will be.



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