Over 2.5 Million People Have Searched For Fidget Spinner Porn And I Don’t Want To Live In This World Anymore

This is the riskiest article I have ever written on the Amtrak from NYC to Albany, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

According to Pornhub Insight, searches for the ever-popular fidget spinner has spun its way into the adult entertainment spectrum of the internet.

The searches started to climb on May 10th. In the 10 days that followed, there were 2.5 million searches for videos involving the gadget. It’s been the top trending term for May and the fifth most popular overall search for the month.

Screen-Shot-2017-05-24-at-2.39.18-PM-1024x905I really don’t know if I want to live in a world where fidget spinner porn is a thing. I have been racking my brain for the past 30 minutes on how a fidget spinner could ever be implemented into even the wildest sex acts and I can’t think of anything that doesn’t make me cringe. But then again, that’s most things on porn sites so I don’t know why I am surprised.

We here at Two Buttons Deep leave no stone unturned in our investigative journalism, so of course I went to Pornhub to see what all the hype was about, and here is what I discovered:

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“Dank fidget spinner on hot ass” is the MOST 2017 title I have ever read. But after a brief investigation, it appears there is no actual spinner porn, just freaks and geeks who somehow get off to the anxiety-reducing devices.

Now that I think of it, maybe a minute-man could make use of a fidget spinner during sex to reduce anxiety so he lasts longer? Like the modern day version of thinking about playing left field or your Grandma in her underwear? Wow I’m a genius. Thank me later, minutemen.

With Two Buttons Deep, I’m Jack



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