So, the quick version: A New York state worker allegedly took 111 sick days at work within an 18-month timeframe. Which literally sounds like a dream come true, well except for the fact that no full-time employee on earth could possibly have ever earned 111 sick days without some kind of catch.
So how did she do it? According to the Albany Times Union, this woman faked a sh*t ton of doctor’s notes and something called a Family Medical Leave Act application, which was subsequently approved and therefore the sick time off was granted. Faking these documents allowed her to cash checks for all of those B.S. sick days, earning half of her normal salary during that time, totaling about $9,355 in income.
First of all, holy cow, lady! How bad is your job? Sometimes I feel like I would do unspeakable things for just ONE sick day so I do not have to drag my bum into a mundane office space for a total of eight hours. But 111 times in 18 months? What is going on inside your workplace where you need to avoid it so damn bad? Ever heard of two week’s notice? Someone’s gotta hook this gal up with an Indeed.com account and just find something that’s worth showing up to for at least like, most of the time.
But here’s the best part and honestly the only reason this story is worth re-telling:
WHAT?! In 24 years of life I don’t think I have ever heard of a last name that seems more made up than this one. Honestly, you could probably rock it and just act like a total baller with a last name like this. But the one thing you absolutely MUST NOT DO with a last name like this is steal $9,355 in wages from the State of New York!!!! You already look suspicious without even having to do anything besides sign your name on a dotted line. Carol Cashdollar, you gotta be kidding me. Pay the fine and smarten up next time. And find a new job that helps you earn those dolla dolla bills the legal way.
Two Buttons Deep is a news & entertainment website based in upstate New York.
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