The New Lion King Is So Stacked There’s No Chance It Can Be Good

I know, I know, I know, the line-up from the new Lion King film is so stacked that people forgot to complain about another Hollywood reboot. And I mean, I don’t know if I could have designed a bigger powerhouse of a cast if I tried.

Does it get cooler than this? Maybe with a little DiCaprio sprinkled in, but even Disney couldn’t think that big. They got Beyonce, and according the internet, that’s the best as it gets. Despite this powerhouse of the line-up I’m still convinced it’s not gonna be good. Here’s why:

  1. The OG Lion King is THE movie. It was the best thing to ever come out of 1994. When I think of movies, I think Lion King. It’s a quintessential part of my/any childhood and anyone who went without, I would consider deprived.  We think we’re going to 1-up that? How? It just doesn’t happen like that.
  2. I am totally taken out of the experience of an animation when I can visualize who is speaking. I can recognize at least 50% of the cast’s voice, god forbid Seth Rogan has any laughing lines. When I’m watching this I’m not gonna be like “oh wow Zazu is awesome” I’m gonna be like “wow, that’s John Oliver talking.”
  3. It’s not going to be good just because of how predictable the reaction is going to be. People are going to “LOVE IT.” Teens and adults near and far are going to rave about the film simply due to the pressure to think it’s good and because it’s illegal to talk down upon Beyonce on the internet in 2017.

Am I going to see this movie? Damn straight. I’d be dumb not to, but I’d also be dumb to think it’s gonna be good just because you like who’s behind it. That’s the egg before the chicken, or the other way around, still not sure.

The movie drops in 2019, which sounds like a long time away but it will come sooner than you want it to.



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