Listen, I totally respect the idea of masking yourself when you rob a bank or do hoodrat sh*t with your friends. The whole point is to protect your face from easy identification, but also to be discreet in your approach, right?
That would seem to be the case in most robberies, but not for the one last night in Guilderland, NY where a person dressed in a full-on Gorilla costume allegedly attempted to rob a McDonald’s at a thruway rest stop.
I am going to come right out and say this might be the most terrible costume for crime. Yeah, you got full body coverage, but do you have literally ANYTHING else going for you strolling into a public place dressed like a zoo animal?
It’s hard enough to get drunk while wearing a costume: your movement is restricted and you have to break out of character and lift your mask up every time you take a sip. No chick dressed up as a slutty Stranger Things character is going to want to sit on a hairy gorilla’s lap at a party.
So, you think you should just save that costume for another time and rob a store with it instead? Wrong idea, like that’s gonna be any easier for you with limited sight lines and being naturally less agile than you would be dressed in a black bodysuit. Not only will you be immediately noticed upon walking in, but you’re going to be thrown off your game so hard that someone, anyone, could literally tackle you and make you stop what you are doing.
In this particular story, the Gorilla human did not get away with the robbery. He claimed he was armed, but wasn’t, and when an employee caught him bending over near the safe he bailed the F out of that rest stop. The weird part is, he got away?….I can’t wait to see the police report with a WANTED sign for a gorilla-slash-person.
Two Buttons Deep is a news & entertainment website based in upstate New York.
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