Tiffany’s New “Everyday Objects” Line Makes Me Want to KMS

OK…I do not even know where to start with Tiffany’s new everyday objects line because I have SO many questions.

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My first problem with this product line is not that Tiffany’s thought it was a good idea to sell stuff you find in your junk drawer for hundreds and thousands of dollars, it’s that I can think of at least two of my friends who will be intrigued enough to consider buying some.

If only Audrey Hepburn could see what this brand has become now, she would be shook. Fifty-five years ago, she was sipping coffee out of a paper cup staring into the store window, now it would cost her $95 for one of those paper cups. Literally.

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I just moved to NYC from upstate New York, and the thought of even spending more than 10 dollars on a cocktail has my head spinning. Now I get to multiply that by 100 and that’s how much someone will be spending on a tin can. Yep, the math you just did in your head is right. There is a $1,000 price tag on a TIN CAN. That tin can better get enough reception for me to talk to my friend in Europe.Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 4.07.10 PM

The second most expensive item comes in at a whopping $9,000. Never in my wildest dreams would I be able to guess which everyday object would be worth that much. Let’s take a little quiz on which everyday item will run you more than my car.

Is it:

a. Lamp

b. Silverware

c. Ball of Yarn

If you guessed B, you are….wrong!!! The correct answer is C: Ball of Yarn. A BALL OF YARN. I just really want to know WHO is going to spending $9K on a ball of yarn. I cannot even imagine what kind of extra a person needs to be to knit some shit out of that.

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And last but not least, my middle school self would totally feel like the coolest kid in geometry class (not because I had the most prized Yugi-Oh cards), but because I was drawing obtuse angles with a $400 protractor. “Oh you have a blue protractor? That’s sooooo elementary of you, mine is sterling silver with walnut wood”

 

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I just can’t wrap my head around this, but basically if you want to feel poor AF just in time for the holidays, go check out the new Tiffany’s product selection.




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