A Word to the Wise Young Guys Going Bald

As I drive my ’06 Honda Accord through South Troy for work every morning and glance into my rear view mirror, I’m undoubtedly reminded that my hairline is indeed fading into the same Florida peninsula that my father currently rocks.

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My hair is thinning out, not like all the way out, but regardless, it sucks. When I first acknowledged this definitive and highly unfortunate first sign of mortality in my late 20s, I distinctly recall the moment I approached my father in panic.

“Dad! My hair! Its turning into…. YOURS!” 

After the shit eating grin I received he was happy to respond.

“You want to save your hair?

“Yes!” I responded eagerly.

To which he replied, “Get a shoebox, when it falls out, put it in the box….hair saved.”

Damn, I bought the bait and was back to square one. Square one being suppressing vomit triggered by the gut-wrenching stat that over two-thirds of young males go will lose their hair before age 35, and 85 percent of men will by age 50.

Well, I’ve certainly had my moments spent freaking out about this, constantly checking the mirror, taking pictures of the top of my scalp only to sigh when it became clear that no matter what I do, how I brush my hair, the products I throw on it, nothing is going to stop this inevitable sequence of aging from happening.

Father time is undefeated my friends, and that means it’s time to accept it. So it’s YOU I’m talking to. Yes YOU, insecure mortal 20-30 year olds who have discovered in the worst of ways that it’s beginning to look like you shampoo with battery acid.

You’re born with an abundance of something and the moment you start to progressively have that taken from you begin to hold resentment for your misfortune. But this is life, we’re given an abundance of life and we will indeed lose that, too. You’ll have an abundance of energy, mobility, and loved ones taken from you as life’s clock keeps ticking. This shit don’t slow down for nobody, you still have to get up and handle your business and do all you can to be the best you.

Life is a battle my fellow soldier, so you lost a couple hairs, so what, tough shit, ya gonna quit? If you were in a fist fight and broke your power hand, then what? You going to sit back and sulk and let the opposition (your insecurities) take you out? Nah, you better sharpen that jab up my man, throw in a leg kick, WORK WITH WHAT YOU GOT.

I’m here to tell you what you can do.

To do’s:

1. Stop looking at it so much, it’s like a pimple, you’ll just end up maximizing its significance in your head and start to believe it’s all people see and all people care about. That is high school shit, time to man up.

2. Accept the fact you’re mortal, accept that fact you’ll age, everyone will.

3. Know that the other guy you see with the flowing godlike locks has his own insecurities, so while you worry about your hair, he’ll worry about his shape, his nose, etc. There is not one human who is free of insecurity, it’s something everyone deals with, so deal with it.

4. Worry about what you CAN control like daily exercise, eating well, mastering your chosen craft(s), and rocking a respectable wardrobe.

5. Stop thinking it’s all people care about bruh. When you talk to someone do they stand on a chair and stair at the top of your head the entire time? Nah, they look in your eyes and tap into the person you are, so do your best to make that person a confident, charismatic and humble one.

Specifically, if you’re under 21 and notice its really going, and usually if it happens this early it’s going QUICK, go Joe Rogan on ’em and just shave that shit. Mr. Clean swag, it’ll be a shock at first, but people will get used to it. Trust me, its much better to be a bald 30-year-old as opposed to the one with 6 hairs doing Donald Trump layers only to be exposed by a gust of wind that you’re indeed a malnourished chia pet.

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If you’re like me, going into the late 20s and see subtle signs of thinning, just rock it, too. Don’t try and cover anything, just work with what you got. Plus in your 30s, you’ll just look like someone with experience.

If you’re also in this situation and not ready to embrace it fully, you could try the infinite hair restoration products out there, and you might see some improvement, probably not, but its worth a shot. After you realize that $450 and four months of scrubbing chemicals into your head most likely didn’t work, just do you.

Your hair is, or was, a minor part of your existence. It never defined you, no person that loves you solely loves you for your hair, unless they’re a vein demonic Instagram model who posts their Cash App or Venmo address for thirsty, bald, insecure old men to donate money in hopes of attention.

Do you, rock your shit unapologetically, grab your balls and conquer your day. I’d tell ya to go look up successful people with imperfect heads of hair but why the fuck would you need to see that? Start taking control of what you can control and embrace who you are.

Sincerely,
Your hair receding friend who isn’t letting this shit get to him.



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