Diet Coke To Rebrand Itself As Slimmer With More Desirable Flavors For Millennials…Typical

(Coke) ‘Millennials are now thirstier than ever for adventures and new experiences, and we want to be right by their side. We’re contemporizing the Diet Coke brand and portfolio with sleek packaging and new flavors that are appealing to new audiences.’

With an updated look, sleek new packaging, the debut of four bold, new flavors and a new campaign, The Coca-Cola Company is re-energizing and modernizing Diet Coke for a new generation of drinkers – and offering its millions of current fans a new look and more flavors.

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Hey Coke, what do I think when I see your new cans? I feel like I should take you along when I go hiking, and there’s a fat chance I will Instagram it….that’s EXACTLY what you’re intentions were and god damn you nailed it. But let’s face the music, D.C., drinking you does nothing but make me burp a bunch followed by an extended period of being lethargic. Now you’ve gotten this jazzy new look that doesn’t fit what you do to me. You’re not the new you. You’ve changed, and I already don’t like it.

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You’re suppose to be as plain as a rainy day, because that’s how I feel when I drink you. Ginger lime? What was wrong with normal lime? Diet Coke and lime, it went great with rum. Now we need ginger in there? This isn’t a kale smoothie, it’s a soda!!! Stop being ridiculous. (God girls are gonna love this, aren’t they…)

What you should have done is add alcohol and just jump head first into the mixer game, save everybody a step. You’d put Pepsi out of business. And let’s be honest, we all know where you got this idea anyways.

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On the contrary, this 104 year old says the secret to living so long is drinking a Diet Coke every day. But let’s be real, do you really want to live to 104?



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Author: Jack

Founder of Two Buttons Deep. Once went four buttons deep but that was a bad decision. Avid Hawaiian shirt enthusiast. Troy, NY.

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