You Can Now Get A Monthly Subscription Box Of Oreos Sent Straight To Your Fat Ass

In the most dangerous move to your body mass index (BMI) since the Dollar Menu at McDonald’s, you can now get a subscription box of Oreos sent to you monthly. It’s on Amazon (of course) and for $19.99 you can get a nifty looking box for yourself or your favorite Oreo-lover.

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But let’s be honest, it’s going to be for your fat ass. 

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Let’s not beat around the bush —$20 is a lot for Oreos. I’d imagine if you love Oreos enough to purchase this, you eat them regularly. A package of Oreos includes 36 cookies, so the average cost per Oreo if you ordered the subscription would be around $3.

OK, time for some more math. Let’s say the average Oreo connoisseur eats three cookies ever night after dinner. Or, every other night they indulge in six. Or once a week they get stoned and eat half the pack. That still amounts to two packages a month, a total amount of a whopping $6/month.

Why are you paying $20? Here’s the breakdown:

  1. The package includes 2 “flavors’ which you typically cannot get in a store. Case and point, the picture above, creamsicle! Gross! This is hit or miss, they’re really just testing out new products, and instead of throwing stuff against the wall and seeing what sticks, they’re mailing it to their most vulnerable consumers and collecting $20 every time they pass Go.
  2. The packages includes a “Oreo themed gift.” Based on the stock images you can expect something like a mug or maybe an ornament. Because there’s nothing red-flaggable about walking into an apartment after a first date and being offered Peeps flavored Oreos on an Oreo-branded plate with an Oreo-branded cup of milk.
  3. The package includes a recipe. Oreo’s can be added to many meals: churros, cake, ice cream….well that’s about it. And even though you could find many more recipes for free on the internet, they’ll send you a special one based on the current season.
  4. The delivery service = the luxury of skipping your bi-weekly trip to the grocery store to replenish your Oreo stash.

That’s what’s in the box. So if this appeals to you, you can order this for your loved one just like this modeling couple did.

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Except let’s be real, nobody ordering this box looks like that. Nobody. 



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Author: Jack

Founder of Two Buttons Deep. Once went four buttons deep but that was a bad decision. Avid Hawaiian shirt enthusiast. Troy, NY.

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