Zack Morris is Trash – An Investigative Report

“Saved by the Bell” is a show that leaves me conflicted. I want to like it, but there are some characteristics that always seem to annoy me every time it comes on MTV2 or TBS early in the morning. It’s not the retro 90’s era clothes or lingo, nor is it Screech (who became a monster of a person after the show was done). The main ire of my annoyance with the show is the protagonist. He’s obnoxious, not funny, and acts like he deserves everything handed to him on a silver platter.

His name is Zack Morris.

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Funny or Die has created a masterpiece called “Zack Morris is Trash.” Each episode is a 5-10 minute detailed breakdown of SBTB episodes where Zack Morris was an immature asshole to characters by exploiting them for selfish intentions that go awry.

This is literally every episode.

The web series also highlights the misogynistic tendencies that Zack Morris passed of as his ‘persona’. Every favor he did for a female, he’d point to his cheek to imply sexual favors in return. He is literally every douchebag jock I tried to avoid in high school.

We’ll never know why the creators of this show thought that making this blonde hair, blue eyed asshat the focal point of this show when Screech and Slater are actually pretty chill characters. Not only that, the actor who plays his character (Mark-Paul Gosselaar), hasn’t had any role as big as this character in his career. I wonder why…

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The bottom line is that as a character, especially being the protagonist of a sitcom, Zack Morris is does Saved by the Bell no good because he does nothing good in any episode. “Zack Morris is Trash” is only 1 and a half seasons into its existence and they’ve already broken down how Zack has done the following:

  • Fueled Jessie’s Caffeine Pill addiction so he could exploit her musical talents at her academic expense
  • Orchestrated a car accident with a stolen school vehicle involving his best friend Slater behind the wheel so he wouldn’t get his license before him and drive of with his girlfriend only for it to backfire and injure his girlfriend
  • Exploited a homeless girl and her father for his own ego during Christmas
  • Found a way to insult Native American culture for a project he half-assed just so he can pass and run in the Track Championships
  • Took advantage of volunteering on a teen support hotline to take a handicapped girl out on multiple dates where he reminded her that she was handicapped on the regular
  • Broke a statue of Elvis that was important to Screech’s mom while she was away, then lost Screech’s dog in a poker game that he threw to earn the money back for the statue

Zack Morris is that dude who plays nice with girls just to ‘hit it and quit it’. He’s that dude who makes it difficult for genuinely nice guys like me because he’s already exploited their trust with lies and deceit. He is the ancestor of fuckboys everywhere.

Zack Morris is trash.





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