5 Things Troy Needs Before Another Barbershop

It’s no secret that Troy is on the up and up. Is it okay for me to say the city is becoming…gentrified? I have received various forms of shade for saying that’s what’s happening to this city, but I think that’s exactly what is happening in this city and I think it’s a beautiful sight to see.

 

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Troy is now a place people from all walks of life (and of course hipsters), are seeking to live for cheap(ish) rent and lots of opportunity for careers, social advancement, etc. With this uptick in popularity we’ve seen see coffee shops, restaurants and boutiques popping up and slowly expanding outwards from the heart of downtown. We’re now covering a 10-15 block radius of new spots to check out and every one of them warms my heart. Except Bar Troy, I hate that place.

But something has come up time and time again and I think we need to address it, we need to stop opening up barber shops.

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One of the hottest strips in Troy right now is on and around Ferry street, mainly influenced by the rise of the Troy Kitchen and anchored by the legendary Manory’s Diner and of course, I Love NY of Troy Pizza. We’ve seen multiple businesses pop up around there — Superior Merchandise Co., Harrison’s Corner Marketplace, The Shop, a new sub-par pizza shop, and it all encompasses a vacant cornerstone property that has an incredible amount of potential once it’s filled by a new business.

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And it was, by another god damn barbershop.

Since moving to Troy in 2016, I have seen five new barbershops open up in immediate downtown Troy. There has to be at least 20 places to get your hair done, it’s too much. I know that good hair means more flair, but to quote the late Barbara Bush, “people who worry about their hair all the time, frankly, are boring.”

We’ve got Blendington’s, Troy Grooming Co, the Fade Factory, Jen’s Barbershop, and now Flipper’s coming into a spot where I could throw a baseball and hit two other barbershops. All these places to get a fresh peel, yet we’ve still got people going bananas for more barbershops. What’s the deal?

You know where I like to get my haircut? Supercuts. They give me a reliably decent cut, don’t force small talk upon me and I know damn well they take credit cards and that’s all I need in a barber. But of COURSE they closed down right before the barber renaissance of Troy. That may have added a bit of salt into my feelings behind this article and why I am suggesting 5 places Troy needs before another god damn barbershop.

1. A rooftop bar

I will advocate for this until the day I’m sipping a Jack and Coke overlooking the dirty Hudson River. A rooftop bar is the one thing separating Troy from eternal greatness. Until then, I will enjoy myself out back at Ryan’s Wake, which is a porch overlooking the dirty Hudson River, the next best thing.

2. Chipotle

You want Troy to really be the next hot spot? Throw a Chipotle in the heart of downtown and watch the tides turn like it’s The Perfect Storm. Troy is currently 8 miles away from the nearest Chipotle and that is a borderline crime in 2018. (Side note: I am now randomly allergic to avocados which is detrimental to my wellbeing/breakfast routine. And even though Chipotle doesn’t taste as good without guacamole (fact) I still put this on the list because I’m a man of the people.)

3. Another gym

At this rate, everybody in Troy is gonna be hella out of shape due to the fact there are no gyms in downtown (well, I think there’s one somewhere). Do I want to drive up Hoosick Street to go to Planet Fitness? Hell no, have you seen that street during rush hour? Maybe I’ll have to see what Taylor says about Metabolic Meltdown before I consider crossing the river to get my workout on. But in reality, we need something that’s there for us because it’s convenient and that’s what people want. If you build it, they will come. Maybe…it’s still a gym.

4. Netflix’s first movie theater

Yes, you read that right. Netflix has been scouting boutique movie theaters to buy in light of the fact mainstream movie theaters won’t play their movies. With eyes on getting The Oscars under their belt, the only move is the streaming service to own theaters and generate their own buzz. With 8 BILLION dollars in their budget for 2018 production, they could easily throw down a few million to make a small theatre here in downtown. I’m sure there wouldn’t be any controversy over a movie theater!

5. A drunk food spot that isn’t pizza

Cue the other reason for everybody in Troy getting hella out of shape. 90 percent of food consumed in this city after midnight is pizza from I Love NY of Troy. Now listen, I stand by I Love NY of Troy til the day I die because they serve one of the best slices in the 518 and that’s a fact. But let’s also not hide because the fact that those carbs aren’t doing you any good. And we need different bad carbs in our life if we’re gonna make it worth it.

We need a spot handing out breakfast sammys at 2AM, chicken tenders, ice cream, something to take my taste buds for a ride before falling asleep on my couch spooning the latter half of the drunk food I will inevitably regret and before trying again when I’m hungry at 11AM.

But wait, when I went to snap this photo of the new facility, I noticed a city order to stop work. Maybe the city agrees we’ve simply got too many barbershops?

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What’s the writing in the pink, you ask?

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Hmmmm, I get what he’s going for but he also doesn’t seem like the kind of guy I want holding a blade up to my neck. Nobody at Chipotle would threaten the public like this!



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Author: Jack

Founder of Two Buttons Deep. Once went four buttons deep but that was a bad decision. Avid Hawaiian shirt enthusiast. Troy, NY.

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