Every now and then, I stumble across an article on the Internet that sparks the digital equivalent to the sensation I get when watching a scary movie or driving slowly by the scene of a gnarly accident. Every fiber of my being tugs at my ocular muscles, begging them to look away or close the browser tab to spare my senses. However, whether I sneak a peek through my fingertips while covering my eyes, or continue to scrolling despite my better judgement, I just can’t resist until the emotional/psychological damage is done, and I’m left with some pretty gruesome visuals.
Lucky for me, I started Monday off right by waking up to that sensation this morning after reading a recent headline from VICE News, and let’s just say the hunger pains I usually feel first thing in the morning retreated abruptly.
If you saw “This Guy Served His Friends Tacos Made from His Own Amputated Leg,” while skimming headlines, you’d do a double take, too, wouldn’t ya?
I immediately thought this was Click Bait 101, but as I read on I was sadly mistaken. Instead, VICE News writer Beckett Mufson brought me on a pretty colorful journey recounting the story of one Reddit user’s brush with “legal” cannibalism after his Reddit post got some attention last week.
VICE had a heart-to-heart with IncrediblyShinyShart, our modern-day Hannibal Lector, about the events leading up to the Human Happy Meal disguised as a hip brunch. Despite the actual flesh feast, it’s a pretty tasteful read (no pun intended!) and provides a glimpse into the psyche of today’s casual cannibal and why the hell someone would even attempt this, making last year’s Spicy Ramen Challenge look like mere child’s play.
To really set the stage, think: “Silence of The Lambs,” meets “Dinner for Schmucks,” mixed with “Top Chef,” and a dash of a Thanksgiving episode of “Friends.”
“On Sunday, July 10, 2016, three weeks after the accident, Shiny, who prefers to remain anonymous, invited 10 of his most open-minded friends to a special brunch. They ate apple strudel, quiche puff pastries, fruit tarts, and chocolate cake. They drank gin lemonade punches and mimosas. And then the main course came out: fajita tacos made from Shiny’s severed human limb…. We asked the 38-year-old why he decided to feed himself to his friends, what he tasted like, and how the experience changed him.”
Can you imagine getting that brunch invite on Facebook? Or maybe Shiny pulled out all the stops and sent an animated e-vite to really up the ante and stir up some nervous anticipation.
This is literally the stuff urban legends are made of, or an episode out of the Twilight Zone, except for the fact that Shiny’s is the rare case where cannibalism was not only legal but ethical.
He documented the entire process, but due to the graphic nature of the photos, VICE omitted several from their post, and I’m not reinventing the wheel and including any here.
One bone of contention among readers was the sheer validity of whether or not amputees can take their limbs home with them after surgery, so cue Snopes to do some digging and report that while uncommon, “Many hospitals have documentation allowing patients to take their limbs home following amputation procedures, barring certain health risks.”
I know #MeatlessMonday is a thing for some of us carnivores, but the Iron Chef who engineered this recipe for, “Human Shin Fajitas,” just might put you in the mood to channel your inner Anthony Bourdain-Jeffrey Dahmer, and go all cannibal without the help of bath salts.
I shudder at the thought of even bruising my shin, let alone marinating it overnight, but hey, that’s just me. If you shop on the Black Market for your ingredient list, that’s cool, just please don’t cook for me, K? Thanks.
Look, no judgement here, but unless I’m a survivor of a plane crash in the Andes (I’m sure everyone’s seen, read, or heard of “Alive“), or a native tribeswoman chief in Papua New Guinea (yes, I am a Queen Bee in my own hypothetical cannibal scenario), then I think I’m gonna pass on this delicacy that, believe it or not, doesn’t taste like chicken. Or pork.
Shiny says humans taste, “almost like venison,” so chew on that, hunters.
This guy, Shiny, the anonymous cannibal, waited two years to tell the world this story because it seems even he couldn’t really come to grips with what it’s done to his insides (and I’m not talking about his digestive tract.) The Reddit community didn’t disappoint, with almost 5,000 comments and puns sounding off in good fun (or sheer horror).
While it sounds completely horrifying and unbelievable to most of us, cannibalism is still alive and well in some parts of the world, and at the end of the day Shiny’s story is nothing more than an extremely interesting and unusual way to come to terms with a horrifically tragic accident, so who am I to judge how someone deals with losing an appendage as important as a foot?
If anything, his life seemed to do a complete 180 since the accident and the infamous brunch, and these days he’s living footloose and fancy free, so if a foot taco made from his own foot is what he needed to move on, kick his old habits to the curb, and stand tall again, then so be it.
He didn’t break any laws, and he didn’t surprise anyone with the main course – no one was tricked into eating human flesh, and everyone was a willing participant and are now (proud? ashamed?) members of the exclusive, “I’ve Eaten Human Flesh,” Club. I wonder how similar it is to Fight Club?
So, should the opportunity ever arise to serve your brunch guests while simultaneously serving yourself, who’d make the cut and be on your guest list? Is puts a new and interesting spin on the classic question, “Who would you invite to a dinner party?“
Would you eat your friend’s foot? Would the 2BD squad? TBD…
Two Buttons Deep is a news & entertainment website based in upstate New York.
We don’t just post the news, we post stuff to talk about…