I can’t believe that I actually smacked an internet home run. I’ve had this waiter press conference idea for ages, but it took joining Two Buttons Deep to put that bit into motion.
I’ve made videos in the past that have gotten 500 views and I would think, “holy shit 500 people saw a vid that I made!” I would reload the page and it might go up a view or two and I’d be super stoked. One time I think I had like 300 views on a YouTube video that I made and somehow there were less views the next day. I was convinced YouTube was out to get me and stop my dreams.
But what happens when a unstoppable force meets an immovable object? A million views, that’s what. No more view pinching for this guy. I’m already counting my internet dollars.
The first day that the waiter press conference video came out it got over 70,000 views. I couldn’t believe it. It spread like a wildfire. Before I knew it the video was getting shared all over the nation. It was a very surreal moment when I would reload the page and there would be a thousand more views. I was giddy.
My bill collectors are still calling, but I refer them to TwoButtonsDeep.com. They keep telling me that it’s not currency, but then I tell them that I have a million views. I’m not sure why they keep calling. I thought all famous people get things for free.
Since becoming internet famous I’ve had to wear a disguise in public. I mean I haven’t been noticed by any strangers yet, but it’s more of a preemptive measure for when the paparazzi start lurking around the corner. Also, I haven’t gotten to cut a check yet, but I’ve put a lot of things on layaway that I plan on purchasing.
A face tat might be in order with maybe a gold grill. I’m gonna hit up some IG models and rent a yacht in Miami pretty soon as well. I don’t really do drugs, but if I want to fit in with the famous crowd I’m gonna have to change that.
Everyone is asking me “What’s next?” Well I climbed to the top of the mountain and slayed the dragon. I think it’s time to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Maybe I should stop making content and go out on top like John Elway. Or maybe I should set my sights on getting a billion views.
Either way, I’ve made it.
Two Buttons Deep is a news & entertainment website based in upstate New York.
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