Week 3 in the NFL left a lot of us scratching our heads…
How do the Lions blow out the Patriots in Prime Time?
How did the goddam Jets spank the Lions who then went on to destroy the Pats?
Does that mean that the Jets are better than the Pats?
I’m here to tell you that we all still have no idea what the hell is going on in this beautiful league, but here are 5 things I came away with after watching an unhealthy amount of pigskin this past week.
1: The Bills are assholes
The Buffalo Bills went into Minnesota and absolutely imposed their will on the lackluster Vikings. This was the biggest point spread upset in the NFL since 1995. The Vikings were favored in this game by 17 points in this game. 17 points! Let me be clear it was 17 fricken points. The Vikings were down a couple scores from the start and if you add in the spread they lost 44-6. Mix that in with the fact that they didn’t score until the fourth quarter when the game was already well out of reach and you’ve got yourself a shit show. I had the Bills going down in both suicide pools that I was in and they couldn’t just fold like they were supposed to. They must have seen that I had hundreds of dollars on the line for that game and they wanted to screw me over reaffirming my hatred for the team for not only being a Phins fan but as a gambler as well.
Buffalo you’re trash and I will forever hate you. Oh yeah by the way since Vonte Davis retired at halftime a couple weeks ago the Bills have outscored their opponents 41-6.
2: Baker Mayfield might actually be the real deal
Ok let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Keep in mind the Browns played the goddam Jets, but at the same time, New York has a top 10 passing defense. Tyrod Taylor was knocked out of the game and the 2018 number one overall pick came in trailing 14-0 and orchestrated a comeback in his first NFL game giving Cleveland their first win on over 600 days.
The whole city celebrated as if they had won a Super Bowl, but in a sense they did because it looks like they got their man. He looked poised in the pocket, made accurate throws and had a knack for getting the ball out at the right time with a quick release. The doubters will say that he’s too short to play the position, but the kid’s got intangibles that you cannot teach. Maybe his measurables don’t quite stack up, but right now it looks like his field presence reigns supreme.
3: Andrew Luck may in fact not be lucky at all
Indianapolis has waited long and patiently for their young stud quarterback to come back from an injury to his throwing shoulder. He was supposed to play last season and it kept getting pushed back and got pushed back again until the team put him on the IR hoping he would be ready to go in 2018.
All offseason I heard how he’s going to be back and better than ever. That he’s much stranger than he was and that the Colts were primed for a playoff run. Well that doesn’t look like it’s going to pan out. Right now the Colts are 1-2 and through three games Lucks is averaging 5.1 yards per completion. On top of that the dude has only completed two passes over 20 yards this season. That can only mean that he wasn’t ready to comeback and might never be the same. Hell the Colts were in a Hail Mary situation at the end of the game and had to call in a cold Jacoby Brissett, who was holding a clip board all game, to throw a 70 yard pass. Sorry Colts fans this season is not going to be pretty.
4: The Chiefs and Rams are going to meet in the Super Bowl
The Chiefs are on pace to shatter the NFL record books on the offensive side of the ball. Pat Mahomes has 13 touchdown passes in his first three games as an NFL starter, which is a record. Kansas City is averaging 40 points per game and this offense hasn’t really hit puberty. Comparative to the rest of the NFL this unit doesn’t have that many snaps under their belt. The Rams on the other hand look like the most complete team in the NFL since the ’98 Broncos. Los Angeles has the No. 3 overall offense and the No. 6 rated defense. Through three game the Rams’ average margin of victory is 22 points. That’s basically unheard of. I feel like the Rams and Chiefs are the Warriors and Cavs on the NFL. Barring any severe injuries these two teams look as if they are trail blazing to a title matchup.
5: I’m now to be referred to as “Nostrajohnas”
Last night the Steelers knocked of Ryan Fitzmagic and the Bucs under the bright lights of Monday Night Football. The nation has been enamored the past few weeks with the nostalgia of Fitzmagic and what he’s been doing. Pittsburgh, on the other hand looked like they were falling apart at the seems entering the game. All signs pointed to the Bucs spanking the Steelers sending their season in a tailspin and furthering the Fitzmagic fairy tail. Unless you can see through the smoke or fairy dust if you will. Well guess what this guy did. I’m not big on tooting my own horn, but if I call my shot during Prime Time and the whole nation sees it you bet your ass I’m installing a train horn in my car and I’m honking that bitch until I rub everyone’s faces in it.
You can go back and read the original post and check the time stamp on this bad boy. Granted Fitzmagic almost screwed up my prediction when the Bucs came back from a multiple score deficit only to fall short by three points. He set a record for having three 400 plus yard games in a row to start the season and the legend still lives. But give credit where it’s due. And that’s to me because I pointed to the center field bleachers and hit a moonshot on Monday Night.
I went 3-for-5 on my weekly picks against the spread and the NFL still looks as if no one really know what the hell is going on. That being said look out for my batch of picks this week to come hot of the press on Friday morning. That should give you enough time to liquidate all of your assets and take your bookey to the cleaners.
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