Longshot’s All Dogs Go to Heaven in Week 11 NFL Picks

Last week I dropped the ball…big time.

I kind of rushed my picks last second and tried to force a couple throws threw windows that just weren’t there in honor of Jameis Winston. Who the fuck knew that Hotlanta was going to get demolished by the dysfunctional Browns. I guess Gregg Williams has his men motivated, but the question is what’s the pot up to in his bounty system to generate that kind of play? Also, the Titans blowing out the Pats and the Bills beating the fuck out of the Jets too!? It just wasn’t a good week to be a degenerate gambler, but this week I promise to make it up to you. C’mon baby take me back. I won’t hurt you like that again.

Just think about the past. I’m batting over .500 on the season. Let’s just have makeup bets and take it from there. You know it’s going to feel good.

Also starting next week I will no longer be writing an NFL weekly picks piece every week. Instead I will be moving it to my podcast, the Rated R Sports Talk Podcast. I will release my shows every Friday and will include my picks there. Good luck today and happy Sunday y’all!!!

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1: At Baltimore -6.5 Cincinnati

The last time these two teams squared off it was the Bengals that came out on top 34-23 in week two. Both of these teams started the season out strong, but have cooled off and both teams are also 1-3 in their last four. This is a crucial game for both teams if they want to make a playoff push and Marvin Lewis and John Harbough are on the hot seat. Joe Flacco is out and it will be Lamar Jackson to get the nod as he will take most of the snaps for the Ravens. The Bengals have the worst passing defense in the NFL and it could be a coming out party for Jackson and a retirement party at the same time for Flacco, but rookies who make their debuts at the quarterback position don’t normally thrive out of the gate. Because the Ravens are giving the Bengals six points I’m going to take Cincy. I don’t believe that the Bengals are even underdogs and they win this game outright.

Final Score: Bengals 28 Ravens 24

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2: Houston -3 At Washington

The Texans have now won their last six in-a-row and have virtually risen from the dead after starting the season 0-3. Though they have the second longest win streak in the NFL, but they haven’t really beat a formidable opponent. They barely put away the Bills, beat the Cowgirls by a field goal and last week were almost upset by the Broncos. I believe they are due for a loss and that will come this week to R%&kin team that wants to prove to the league they should be talked about. It’s basically already a foregone conclusion that these guys re going to win that sorry ass NFC North division, but Alex Smith and Adrian Peterson, who are as old as my dad, want to be taken seriously. This week they will enter that conversation after beating the Texans in their sandbox (Side note: why can’t they fix that field? It’s literally worse than that Mexico City field they just cancelled the Monday night game on). Take the R$%#kins to upset the Texans.

Final Score: R#$@kins 24 Texans 17

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3: At LA Chargers -7 Denver

The Chargers are basically the Rodney Dangerfields of the NFL. I tell ya they don’t get no respect. These guys have won their last six in-a-row and the only two teams that they’ve lost to are the fuckin Rams and Chiefs. The Broncos, on the other hand, got blown out by the Jets earlier this season. I’m not sure they can come back from something like that. That’s basically getting infected with a terminally ill disease. Denver is a QB away from being a decent team again, but I’m not sure they know how to find on. Case Keenum was supposed to lift them over the hump, but his 10 interceptions this season have proven costly for the Broncos. They have a better shot at winning this game if John Elway came down from his suite and suited up. Chargers win by double digits.

Final Score: Chargers 30 Broncos 20

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4: At Arizona -5 Oakland

I don’t advise anyone to watch this game. I repeat do not watch this game because it will turn you against the sport of football and you might never see the game the same way. They should relocate this game to Mexico City to give them a game down there that they deserve. Maybe that will get them to not want to host a game ever again. Better yet move this fuckin thing to London so the Brits can have our leftovers instead of picking off our plates. That being said this game is not worth being broken down. I’m not going to look up records, rankings or pass percentages. I’m just going to tell you that there’s no way the Cards should be giving any team five points. I’m pretty sure that every college team in the country could cover this, but then again Oakland isn’t so hot right now either. Take the points and do not even check the highlights in this one.

Final Score: Take the points

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5: Pittsburgh -4.5 At Jacksonville

Le’Veon who? Let me just start out with this little nugget for you before we get into the game:

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Youu are a dumb piece of shit. Like fo real bro? This dude ain’t even true to himself yet he’s gonna try to fuck over the Steelers and their fanbase. How’s that working out again? Exactly. Back to the game. The Steelers are in a groove and have won their last five games in-a-row. They are really firing on a cylinders and have the fourth ranked offense and eighth ranked defense in the league. This week they play a team that is trending in the complete opposite direction and I believe Jalen Ramsey jinxed the Jags when he was talking all that shit in the preseason. Jacksonville lost their last five in-a-row and this could have the classic trap game written all over it. I’m going to take my chances and say that the Steelers go down to Florida and do what they’ve been doing. They will win by a lot more than just four points.

Final Score: Steelers 33 Jags 20

Hopefully I’m back on your good side after this week when I line your pockets with straight cash homie. I hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving and I have one last announcement before I let you fuckers enjoy your Sunday.



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