Welp, A Capital Region Man Started A Fire After Cooking A Turkey In The Microwave

I was decompressing last night after a killer holiday week(?) as I prepare for the tough two day work week ahead of me. I was doing my normal roundabouts through the local news, because I love learning all the terrible things my neighbors do, when I learned that one of them actually tried cooking a damn turkey in the microwave.

Considering this year we lost a few teens to the internet challenge of consuming tide pods, I’m not surprised the 25lb turkey challenge leaked its way into real life.

You know you’re an idiot when the local fire chief goes on air saying your fire was “kind of funny.” But you know what? We can’t make assumptions. I’m no chef myself, and I’ve roasted many meals by trying to cheat and use the microwave. I’ve bubbled milk, turned pasta rock hard, and created an tomato sauce explosion so intense I concluded I’d be better off just tossing the microwave instead of cleaning it (it was college).

So I bet this anonymous “gentleman” received a text from his love one asking how long you cook the turkey after this viral challenge peaked circa Thanksgiving 2018:

Then when the holiday season came around, instead of going through the ropes of cooking it the old fashioned way, why wouldn’t this gentleman take the 26 minute version shortcut? How is he supposed to know that microwaves haven’t evolved into a valid oven alternative?

The internet. That’s how. But to be fair, the first thing that comes up when asking if one can google a turkey, is instructions on how to do so.

Butterball told TODAY Food just how to do it:

  1. Thaw the turkey first. Never put a frozen turkey in the microwave!
  2. Place the turkey breast side down on a microwave-safe dish or plate.
  3. First, microwave it for 4 minutes per pound on full power (for example, 36 minutes for a 9-pound turkey) to get the cooking process started. After this initial cook time, the rest of the cooking needs to be on a lower power setting.
  4. Remove the drippings and baste the partially-cooked turkey so it begins to get that golden-brown skin.
  5. Flip the turkey over and cook it at 50 percent power for 8 minutes per pound (72 minutes total). Stop cooking every 18 minutes to check the turkey’s temperature with a meat thermometer and baste it with the natural juices or a browning sauce.
  6. When the turkey reaches a temperature of 180 to 185 degrees in the thigh and 170 to 175 degrees in the breast, it is ready and safe to eat.
  7. Baste the turkey once more before serving.

I don’t know what to believe anymore. But I imagine any sort of microwaved turkey can’t taste any better than this.

Author: Cap'n Jack

Founder of Two Buttons Deep. Once went four buttons deep but that was a bad decision. Avid Hawaiian shirt enthusiast. Troy, NY.

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